Total Melt Down!

The above is a scaled back version of how I feel inside. This morning I awoke in complete melt down mode. The referral is not coming. They are not gonna let me be a Mommy. If it does come then we won't make it through court. Today I was in Burlingtons and I'd picked up a couple of cute Christmas dresses for my Gracie. I almost started to hyperventilate. I started thinking this is bad luck, I shouldn't be shopping for her already. Good grief, never mind the fact that hubby an I have already tricked out her nursery. I attempted to calm myself this evening by looking at other Ethiopian adoption blogs. Oh the beautiful babies! Just about the time I thought I could exhale, I came across the blog of a woman who'd received a referral and on the day before her court case the birth parents changed their minds and took the baby back. I don't think I will ever be able to sleep again. I'm crazed & terrified. As I've said before adoption is not for the faint of heart. I just hope that my head doesn't explode and roll off my body before my baby girl can get to me.

Seven Months Come.......And Gone

Well today it's been 7 months since we were placed on the official waiting list by our agency. The timeline originally was 5-7 months but obviously we are going beyond that. So we wait. I feel that there's something else I should be doing to prepare. The nursery is ready but I know there's much more. I probably should be reading some parenting books but the advice these nuts are giving I'll pass on. I saw a Dr. Phil show yesterday that made me hold my stomach and moan. 17 yr. old manipulative brat, cursing, hitting & treating his mother like she was a dog. The mom yelling crazily because she's been pushed to the breaking point. Dr. Phil jumped all over the poor woman, suggested that she was chemically imbalanced and the whole 9. The wayward child/demon sat there with a smug look of satisfaction on his face. I was stunned. So are you supposed to praise a chile that's calling you an f$%*%# pig?! It was heartbreaking to watch. Any chance that woman had of saving her child was dashed the moment she stepped on that stage and exposed him to that charlatan and his bimbo wife. Oh Lord, give us what we need to be good parents because the world has gone mad!!!!!!!